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Retconning the Bible and You

Below is retcon (retracted or retroactive continuity) of one of the more sacred texts in the real world, the Holy Bible. It was first started by one of the racm-x'ers, Matthew who asked about a quote from one of the x-books. I have included each person's comment, each speaker represented by a number.
It is a bit confusing to read, but as this is compiled by me from about 10 different posts and threads, it will be. Confusing that is. Just read it from top to bottom, with the background idea that people are interupting and commenting each other.
(I bet Matt never dreamed it would become this big!!)
Uhm, please excuse any blasphemy by us. :o)

1. Matthew H. Clark
2. Andrew Wheeler
3. Vorpal Bunny
4. Paul O'Brien
5. Daniel McEwen
6. Jeffrey Joshua
7. Don Jarvis
8. Lord of deXness
9. Brucha A Meyers
10. Lady Amythst

1. In AOA, X-men Omega, what does the quote by Havoc "not even, Judas."mean? This is when Cyke states that all this brotherly feuding has gotto stop. Judas?! Been buggin me ever since.. can't even sleep.

2. Judas is a character from the popular book 'The Bible'. Judas was one of the disciples of-
3. Does he have claws? And are they adamantium?
2. No, but he can kill people with his kiss, a bit like Poison Ivy only not Uma Thurman.
6. No, but I think he has iron spikes that stick out of his hands and feet (see the classic Bible: New Testament #37 for a great story, where Jesus and his Howling Apostles were finally defeated by Pontius Pilate and the Romans, their arch-enemies. The page where he comes "back from the dead" is great). I'm not sure if they're as sharp as Wolvie's, but with the last power up he can roll away giant stones, so he's got some punch behind 'em.
2. -the hero of one of the latter sections of the book (which is basically a collection of stories about God, his supporters and his detractors, a very good read, check it out, most bookshops still have some copies). This hero is a man called Jesus who was wanted by the-
3. But was Jesus proven to be a hero? Or was this retconned in?
2. He was one of the good guys from the start, just a bit precocious. The only retconning was done later still, by people reading the Bible.
3. And what's this crap about water-to-wine? Didn't he have ANY idea how much damage he was doing to the wine industry? And what about the minors he was intoxicating? You'd have dozens of four-year olds running around getting totally drunk! No wonder he was wanted!
2. Hey it's only a story. Besides, the wine industry wasn't great, not if they can't even get enough for a wedding. In a busy metropolis like Cana, no less. And it was a special occassion. Even kids can have wine at a wedding. If it's... er... watered down. There's a flaw in that plan, isn't there?
4. These questions and more will be addressed in the upcoming JESUS UNLIMITED #1, featuring a story by Howard Mackie and art by yet another poor uncredited Brazilian. The story leads into Marvel's big fall crossover, "Saviour Rising", which will run through AMAZING JESUS #28-30, IMPLAUSIBLE JESUS #64-66, CHURCH OF JESUS #3-5, UNTOLD TALES OF JESUS #8, and UNADJECTIVED JESUS #98-100. Apocalypse and Hellstorm appear prominently, though neither will act in character.
6. Actually, the "water-to-wine" power was turned into a very effective attack in Amazing Gospel Stories #14. The human body is 70% water. Imagine it all becoming wine. Ouch!
2. -authorities for claiming to be the son of God (long story, read the book), so Judas betrayed him to the Romans in exchange for cash.
3. Yes, but wasn't it later revealed in PAUL #12 that Judas was actually Jesus' evil twin clone who later became good and decided to become an orthodonist but was exposed to Green Kryptonite and suffered memory lapses.
2. Yeah, but that's part of the Gnostic stuff, they got rid of it in Revelations Hour
6. No, no, you're thinking of the Judas from the alternate future universe, in the Days of Future Popes storyline (Further Adventures of Judas Iscariot #5). Judas Prime eventually reformed, and became a grief-driven avenger of the night. Look for a good appearance in Judas & Paul #1-4, a LS that came out a few years ago.
2. The term Judas has since come to refer to any person who betrays another. Cyclops in AoA betrayed Apocalypse, so Havok called him Judas.
3. Wait, does that mean Cyclops wore a robe and washed people's feet?
2. Well he wore a robe. Well, a cowl.
3. And what about Havok? Would he be Peter?
2. No, he's Alex, Colossus is Peter.
2. What this proves is that even in the Age of Apocalypse, sales of the Bible were high.
3. But was this before or after the chromium covers? And when can expect a trade paper back?
2. There's going to be a sequal set in the future I think. Burning Bibles: The Last Judgement.
6. I like the trading cards they put in, especially the one from B:NT #37, with Jesus shoving that spike through a Roman's chest. Prayer time, sinners!
8. I believe the best seller was the holographic triple-gatefold gold and silver chromium covered annual with the Peter and Paul interviews. I think it's the one where Jesus teams up with Venom and the Scarlet Witch to rescue children from Sinister's labs. I've got an autographed King James version around my apartment somewhere.
5. Obviously it was from _this_ book that Marvel learned retcons! (King James *version*--as in, different from previous ones.)
1. You made a simple Mistake. King James is the name of the editor. Like Bobby H., he is sure that his Version is the best, though I don't think he ever read any of the back issues, opinions differ! There were multiple writers, artists and inkers but some guy names Guttenberg(sp) did the lettering, I think.
2. Can't keep a Good Book down. The Bible: buy now, pay forever.
3. Details, Wheeler, details!
2. What can I say? You should read it, it's a classic. You should see the Dark God saga, where he kills the asparagus people of Soddom and Gomorrah, and even the Shi'ar can't stop him.
6. Don't worry, I hear Marvel is going to do a reprint series. Otherwise, just pick up Bible Masterworks and read it yourself. I heard that the last issue will feature Apocalypse.
7. There will also be several spin off series. GUARDIAN ANGELS #1: This issue reveals Vanisher is really Mephisto as they fight his enslaved evil army the fallen angels, also Devil Dinosaur is a very accurate name for the character. PAULS TRAVELS #1: Paul travels the holy land GUEST STARRING Wolverine. JUDAS #1: No info yet on this series, rumor says they retcon him as a hero. MOSES #1: He has the power to divide the red sea but can he defeat Magneto.
9. From:
"X-Men in the Savage Land... Let my mutants go!"
TOMB OF JESUS SPECIAL: This issue has a polybagged, chromatic, glow in the dark, die cut cover. but this is just a gimmic to get fanboys attention because the book is empty.
10. There's been an awful lot of speculation on this thread as to the plans for after Onslaught. Now we all know their resetting the Universe back to 0 A.D. but a lot of other stuff has been mentioned that just isn't true. I've been talking to the guy in charge (God as opposed to GOD) and here's what I've been told:
There will be twelve regular titles filling the space that was once filled by the X-Men. I can tell you a few of them. The Apostles and The Uncanny Apostles. These will be very closely associated and will cover the two main teams. They haven't quite worked out the split yet but Peter will be the leader of the white team who will feature mostly in Uncanny Apostles and Judas will lead the brown in Apostles. The Adventures of Mary Magdalene; The Fall of Eden: Background stuff mostly. You don't really need to get this one to follow the series though; Apostles 2099: This is sub-titled Revelations so I'll leave it to you to work out the basic plot.
There's also supposed to be a series following a group of street kids in Jerusalem and a limited series on a guy called Herod.