the Sayings

'strive to be humane, not human' is the more common phrase folks have heard me utter or have seen written as my .sig in many places. There is another one that is more closely tied to my being that is not well-known, nor as well-accepted. 'it needed doing ... that is why'.

I suppose that I should explain the first though, so I shall. Have I lost my faith in the works and times of humans, the homo Sapien sapiens of our world? Perhaps ... there are so many things that we see as unpleasant and as sufferings all the time. Are they the works of evil humans? We also see the joy and spiritualness of throughout humanity ... are they the works of good humans? Are you good? Am I good? Probably not. I suppose that we can see that there are many things that humans, as we know them, are capable of. It seems to me that in this world that we live in, barring any appreciable standard attributed to divinity, we cannot know what we are supposed to do. Are we all aspiring to some Socratic 'ideal' of humaness? Is there some ultimate 'human' as there is some ultimate 'chair' that we all work towards?

I can't say. I can only offer this appearance of knowing that there is something else otherthan what we have been offered in life, of another thing that must drive us to be better folks. It is not humans. We cannot use humaness as a standard to strive for. It must be something else. Common and uncommon philosophers have called everyone to strive for humanity. That term that to me means for compassion and understanding, a sense of recognition of our corporeal bodies and to accept the emotions and intellects our experiences have given us. We should not be striving towards being better humans, since we are what we are. We should be striving towards humanity, a better ideal.

Now we come to the other term, 'it needed doing ... that's why.' As to where I got that from ... I must bashfully say that it comes from comic books. :) There was this government worker in Excaliber, Pete Wisdom, who was a mutant, a spy, a man of bad habits and temperment, and yet a hero. Not the guady and flashy superheroes that went around looking to saving lives all the time and speaking for truth, justice, and the American Way. He was ... well, a man of bad habits and tempermant. Seriously. And yet ... when the time came for him to do something, he did it. He had skills and knowledge, and he used it when he felt it was right. I have come to think that I agree a lot of what he felt with. People ask me why I have worked for so long with environmental and feminist causes, or why I am in getting in so many constant and violent fights.

It's because it needed doing. I see so many good folks getting put upon by others, it just doesn't seem fair to me. I don't think I like a lot of folks, and I don't think I like doing things folks. But I do because I think I realize that maybe I'm supposed to do things to help them. I think what I do best is 'pick up the slack'. I'm not much of an advocate of anything. I mean, sure I take on causes and I help folks further public good causes, but I am seriously in doubt of if I get anything more than some sort of intellectual challange satisfaction. Fate gave me a great gift for minutia and trivia and (in my opinion) a great talent for figuring out uncanny uses and procedures to get something done. So I use it for 'good works' instead of 'evil works'.

I could have chosen other causes ... and maybe I shall in the future, but for me, it just seems that these two areas are more attune to what I can do, given the amount of knowledge and the variety of skills those causes seem to call upon. Environmentalism and feminism seem to embrace diversity and variety rather uniquely, and I am always for that.

Not to say that I am some saint. Far from it. I know I cheat, I tease, I extort and I threaten regularly folks all the time. But ... and maybe this is some sort of conscious of mine, but I do so with other 'bad folks'. I suffer fools poorly, and would almost take advantage of them. In fact, I think it might be in my nature to take advantage of folks, but at least my upbringing and training has guided me to use those talents of deceit and force on those who deserve it, mainly other bad folks.

Goodness ... I suppose I should relate this back somehow. :) There is this odd sense of neutrality that I have, that makes me feel that no one is entitled to anything. That good and bad things happen to everyone at one point or another, and that I do not have to do anything to make sure folks are happy or safe or with hope. I know ... it sounds rather callous, doesn't it. I know it does. Remember, I never said I was a good person. I feel somewhat sure that I am an evil person who does good things. Is that good enough for folks? Or in order to do good things, I have to be happy and joyous that I am spreading good cheer and happiness throughout the world? I'm sorry ... I just don't feel that. One thing that I am sure of, is that I do do a lot of good things ... and it is not out of some altruistic manner. I want to ... feel ... something. I am not sure. It might what religious folks call 'rapture'. It is that ephemeral moment that occurs when saints realize that their works are a reflection of divinity. Or it could come from when you save that little puppy from the shelter. I don't know ... but I think that I am still looking for it. It's that moment when I know in my heart and in my soul that what I am doing has furthered the good in life. Maybe the evil in my heart doesn't let me feel that ... maybe. But I wonder ... I think that is why I still do good things ... I am trying to see if I can feel that something in my soul that says I am doing good.